It’s not fun to experience a breakup, especially as you age. But what’s even worse is breaking up with someone and not allowing yourself to process. You become like me, a walking time bomb, so you invest in work and any distraction. But then, you get an “aha” moment while you sit in a waiting room and hear that trigger, “who is your point of contact ?”

Breakups are a part of life and not just romantically; you can break up with a business, space, a place, a person, etc. And in all situations, it’s tough, perhaps not as tough as a romantic one, mainly because of the person you toss your salad with, adult content ahead. TRIGGER (start clutching your pearls), as you also are exchanging bodily fluids and releasing feel-good hormones to become interconnected. So ya, there is an increased investment in our fluid swap person. Also, it’s a huge energy investment that translates to time that we can never actually get back. When time/the day is over, we will never get it back. As you age, your time becomes even more valuable. Even at 30, I still don’t know how to process leaving someone. I want to think I do it more maturely (you will see this may not be true). But I still can’t do it in a way that leaves me little impact. So instead, I am the “distractor.” I leave a situation, and it’s funny how my workload increases, my hours become double, my business is more in demand, and things start to boom…and…then…they hit a lull because I hit a pause. I am a huge believer in energy and the energy we put out we get, except when it comes to breakups #hypocrite. So you will see why below I got all existential because the question no more is how do I deal with a relationship break up? It is now…Who do I put on my contact list? Which essentially is asking the question of “Who cares about me, outside the family and close friends?” Who wants this personal essay? Let’s get back on track!

It’s funny how bad things can happen all at once. Like how waking up bad leads to a bad morning, which leads to a bad day, which leads to a bad week. And notice the more you try to get zen, the more things fall apart. But see, if you really sit down, a lightbulb goes on over your head, and then you grasp the underlying issue. After a tumultuous week, and I mean tumultuous, as the week seemed longer. From the social work day job being hectic, being late on case notes, trying to manage these acupuncture appointments; (which if I ever complained about paying for them, they certainly paid off this week…love you, Li). Then trying to exercise, organize my life, develop good content, and, oh ya, collaborate on podcasts. My personal life took a massive dive, and it wasn’t until I went to the doctor to have my physical did it occur to me where I am in my personal life. The specific thing that led to my lousy week and poor performance is the elephant in my rubber room. A reflection which I can avidly admit I have avoided.

Let me start by saying the normal me would have had a mental breakdown, aside from personal issues; I mean romantic. I have also had the pleasure of navigating a strenuous relationship with a sibling. And it is challenging, minus other things that were happening. But that is another story. I don’t often talk about my work, and as I transition into my new career, many of you know why. So I will save you from that vent session, but it was a tough week as far as work went; I felt like I was spinning my wheels. So I was very much looking forward to my acupuncture session because she was finally going to seed me. Yes, I have read about this, and I have to say from a scientific perspective, it seems like pseudoscience, but when one is desperate for inner peace, one will do whatever to calm down. The backstory is, I have worked tremendously hard on trying to change myself, my behaviour, and my reactions. I have been attempting to grow and become all love and light, but I will still cuss you out …no cap. Back to the magic seed, so she put 4 of these things in my ear, and I have to tell you that the everyday things that would annoy me did not. I felt like things were happening, but I was like a bystander. My sister aggravated me by correcting my speech; I did not react. My father booked appointments in traffic; I did not respond. My job location changed, I did not react. My ex was getting into my business; I did not react. Much more happened, but I will spear you the details.

Everything was fabulous until Saturday when I had finally ended a situation that I had tried to end for a while. The good thing about it was it is over… massive sigh of relief. I am so glad that it wasn’t a relationship because that man is everyone’s nightmare. He is like the Freddy Krueger of relationships. I am not here to trash anyone, but my level of growth came out of this whole thing. I was so hopeful things would change for a while, which me saying that makes me cringe. Thinking of him makes me cringe; he is just so… anyway, so I am on this enlightenment journey trying to be more woke, etc. And a bitch is 30, okay, so now is the time to bunker down and get with a partner. Recently, I heard a sermon that was like, “if God does the relationship, it makes you a better person.” Well, on Saturday, it proved that the Lord did not ordain this. As recently I had just ignored him when he was nasty and rude. Well, I engaged… sis…I engaged.

He was rude, and I was ruder. I think I killed him in the text. I went to a shallow place in which I usually never go. I said things I have not spoken in years to a man. I developed into an evil Disney villain. But in my defence, enough was enough; he had been provoking me for months, making remarks, sly comments, inserting his correctness. He was jealous because while he sits in his festering cesspool of life expecting people to help him,  I AM living my best life. SIS cancelled him out and was out here dating lawyers, investors, educated, wealthy, and fabulous men. You know the type that makes your other girlfriends jealous as you say, “Girl, he has a cottage, and girl….”. Now how does this relate to my hospital visit? Well, it does?

As I sat in the chair while the nurse was reading out this woman’s info (like every detail), when she asked for her contact, she gave her mom. Like mine is both my parents but usually my mom. I kept thinking, “Contact? Contact? Contact?” I doubt I’ve ever really thought so existentially about your point of contact. Also, when we put a person on that list, it’s someone who knows us and is reliable. However, this made me think of this idea of a whole life, how we set people up in our lives: the whois contact list vs. the never contact list. 

In the end, we have to rely on someone…but what If we have no one? What if we have no family, or we are recluses? Then who goes in that space? But maybe because I had cursed that man out, it had me thinking that I had wasted my time. As he would never be a person one could ever depend on, it is not his nature. Which then, my memory jogged back to a time when I had my serious boyfriend, and he was my point of contact. He was my point of contact because he was reliable, and it’s also like a super adult thing to put your partner on that form. But again, aside from him being rich and attractive, he was reliable and supportive. So how did my dating style go from that too attractive, broke, unreliable, irresponsible, and dumb…like, huh? My mind percolated to the thought “Wow if I don’t date seriously, or get married, or have solid friends when my parents die, who will I put on that contact list?” I can’t lie; I now have developed contact anxiety. Seriously, again maybe because I have turned 30, I never thought about the contact list? Am I alone in this?