I lost about 60 pounds now and feel very different about my body and myself. People say losing weight, even 10lbs, makes you feel different. Well, 60 pounds makes you feel different different. 

The truth is the world is fat-phobic, and no, I didn’t lose weight to please anyone. I am simply pointing that out because, losing a substantial amount of weight, I see how people treat me differently. I’m still the same person, but people listen to me more and don’t judge my size. Even during job interviews, I notice how they treat bigger people. Now, being devil’s advocate, my friend said since I lost weight, I’m not speaking in a “monotone,” and I have more energy every day. Plus, my skin is glowing. So is the world fat phobic, or when you lose weight, are you just different? I did because when I was told I needed the CPAP, it was game over for me.

Given that I am primarily single, the CPAP is not a great look, especially when the issue is something I could do something about. Alongside that, I wasn’t sleeping well and waking up exhausted due to weight gain, which caused me to be tired and eat horribly. Along with stress and battling a form of depression due to my personal life. I also have struggled with my weight for many years, including battling an eating disorder in high school. But this isn’t that blog.

Many people dream of cars and houses, as do I. But the image of “That Girl” was born in my perfect world of reconstructing my identity. See for “That Girl” is the one who has the beautiful condo and new electric Mustang. Not the girl who is writing the blog. Who is that girl? That’s a fair question, but that girl is different for everybody; she achieves different accolades, looks different, and, in general, is HBIC. She embodies confidence and self-esteem. She doesn’t take things personally because what people say is more about them than her. 

For me, that girl was a mentality; it was someone who got up at 5 am, drank coffee, worked out, studied, and then wrote all before 7 am. She was someone who had a routine, she was fearless, resourceful, a good dresser and inspiring. She had goals and ambitions and was always working towards them. I’m only half those things because I’m human, and until I have coffee, I’m in no mood. I had to change my mindset; I got stuck over reading self-help books and never applying any lesson to life. So I closed the book and wrote down areas of my life I hated and where my destination was. The first thing I had to tackle was personal. My personal life, as you may know, is horrible, and I don’t have an excellent track record with relationships; I mean, did you hear the podcast where I actually cried? https://anchor.fm/k-chynn/episodes/BONUS-Living-in-the-Single-Reality-e1bsdlj  Real shit! 

But I read my list and the parts I wanted to change. The way I saw it was “That Girl” would never stay with a man who didn’t value her, she wouldn’t stop studying because something is hard, she wouldn’t tolerate people speaking to her anyway, and lastly, she would not buy any means be anxious over finance, jobs, or her final destination. After all, “That Girl” would fly her plane so she would know precisely how to tackle those tasks. She wouldn’t sit around in her pyjamas complaining about such mundane things, about people who don’t even matter to her. She wouldn’t even take it on her head. 

Now, I’ll credit that most of this is thanks to Sex and the City (the movie). I’ve always loved that show, and Samantha is my idol and someone I can relate to. She never takes relationships personally, and I used to be that way. But I’m a purse person, so watching fashion and closets always made me happy. But the movie has always made me emotional. I think of fabulous Bradshaw, who has everything but is embarrassed when Big stands her up. I mean, she is really that girl, the way her career took off her, dress code, and level of confidence. Sure, there is a happy ending, but it’s a movie. In real life, who would take Big back after he humiliated you? On the flip side, he did work to win her back because she is the girl. I feel like I am that girl; I am just becoming that girl, and when you mess up with me, it’s your loss. But it’s not just romantic; that’s also for jobs, clients, school, friends, etc. I know what I bring to the table. 

I am that girl because I do most of those things, not masterfully well, and sometimes I skip a routine (sorry, yoga). But I shifted because I’ve realized life is not in pieces. It’s a whole. This means how disciplined I am in one area reflects all areas in my life. I also have learned that committing to something means sacrificing something else. 

This was different from my actual persona: waking up 10 minutes before work, struggling to get out of bed, and living on autopilot. My excuse for the longest time was, “When I lose 30 pounds, I’ll start being that person”. I have been losing 30 pounds for 3 years to develop into that person. 

I can proudly say that, superficially, becoming that girl, I always linked to weight. But it’s not about weight or appearance. It’s about waking up and embodying what you want, your goals. Nothing should stop you, not weight, colour, looks, clothes, nothing. And I mean, look at people throughout history who made it because they had vision and purpose, like Muhammad Ali.