When you break up with someone, most of the time, you have unfinished business. I think that is what makes it so hard to get over someone. This idea of the things that we will never do. The remaining hope in which we thought the person would change, value us, or even care. The trips we would take, the family we would create, the children that will never be born, the idea of us being together forever. All the things we won’t do because the other person is dumb. Okay, too personal. But unfinished business is what I believe is the crux of not getting over someone and standing still.

Most of us want love, we crave it, and it is an essential need. But most of us want a love that we can mould into our own unique thing. Therefore, we want it on our terms, especially those from challenging homes, where love is just a word. So we understand the concept of love from TV, but we don’t grasp the theory. We can’t put it into practice because we are clueless. But we know that those rom coms and tv holiday movies are what we want. The idea that someone will love us as we are, sweep us off our feet, and the end. But alas, life never works out that way. Humans are complex, and we walk around with our baggage, emotional and spiritual. Those two heavy pieces of luggage supersede any ideas we have on romance because they always unpack themselves in front of the other person? What am I referring to? Let’s see, try the first piece of clothing like insecurity that matches abandonment that pairs nicely with mistrust and should be worn with communication issues. Do you see the matching outfit? Emotional baggage is the crux of all our problems, although that person mistreated us. The fact remains, is it them or us? Of course, if you were in an abusive relationship, that is different because that trauma alone attached to abuse of any kind is much different.

I am not a romantic, but once I was interested in someone and hoped they would change. And for once, I was significantly affected by the end of the relationship. I found it hard to get my work done, and I could not shake it. I realized for the first time that I was truly hurt about this ending because the relationship never hit the potential I thought it would. I felt as though I mourned the conclusion more than I enjoyed my relationship with the person. Unfortunately, I had unfinished business because he pushed me out; by adding pressure to me all the time and gaslighting, it was time to go. My picture-perfect future that hadn’t even started came crashing down, and it left me heartbroken or somewhat devastated. It is wild how someone so terrible could be so missed. But it is not the person; for me, it was my hopes. I had unconsciously done the thing that I warn women not to do. I put all my eggs in a weak basket that ended up collapsing. My mistake led to my hope collapsing which left me hollow. It is not that I wouldn’t meet anyone else; it is the destruction of my dream that hurt the most. But it leads me to question my expectations in relationships.

The question of, did he not think I was worthy? Could he not see a future with me? Was I not worth it? Wasn’t I valuable? Did I not have something of value? And that, ladies and gentlemen, is the definition of unfinished business because I will never get those answers, and in such a way, I will have to cope with it. I am an avid believer who walks away from relationships when I am not getting what I need, but it never hurts in this way. The idea that he’s probably out there already with my replacement while I am stuck in my feelings about the whole thing, consciously knowing my worth but unconsciously questioning myself. It’s painful.

Knowing he is a clown but feeling like it was my fault. But in my mind, I maybe thought he would commit, and we would ride off in the sunset, which when will I learn those things happen to other people, not me.

I am not an expert on unfinished business because I usually have unfinished business in relationships. But I have to say something shifted in me, this time. There is knowing and accepting, and when you know you have unfinished business, it is unsettling, but when you accept that it is unfinished business, you make a shift. You make peace with it; you can sweep up the pieces of your broken heart in hopes of moving forward. Like I did, I made a pact with myself that I would live for myself. What does that mean? I would be more conscious of my thoughts and my expectations.